I seem to have been learning something too slow that it has been the theme of my times with God for probably around three years now: GRACE.
Since I became a mom, quiet times have never been the same. I have been struggling with getting an hour for it and when I do, I doze off in the middle of prayer because I’m just so tired. I realized quite early in motherhood that those long hours of just reading and praying and listening to my Glorious CD back when I was in college won’t be coming back any time soon. My head says it should be okay, because it’s not about what I do but what He did on the Cross, right? But my heart has been back-and-forth feeling guilty to the point that sometimes I felt like I’m not doing enough for God. Nearness is a gift, closeness is a choice, right? And so I felt like I haven’t been doing enough to be close to Him. So I needed to embrace my season, which included pulling back a couple of short times a day to connect with God. It was “working” until it felt like I was cheating, giving Him leftovers. There was a battle of truth and lies around this and I’m not sure it’s over. I can’t believe God was still using me to give a word to a friend. It was one of those times that I felt strongly a word for someone that I struggled to “pray” the word instead because there was no pastor in the room.
Tonight I came across the story of the widow with a jar of oil.
God I have a little oil left, but I bring it to You. I would love to witness what I have being poured out to fill others, right before my very eyes, until there is no more person in need. You are a God who can multiply what little is left of me.
Little time, little money, little to offer. But you keep showing me that with You, the amount I have left does not matter. I just need to obey and keep giving, and You will come through for me.
I have little to boast but you showed that you can still use me to give a prophetic word.
I have little time and energy, but You keep showing me that I can still cook and wash dishes for my family.
We don’t have a lot of money and yet we can give.
I have little experience or knowledge or skill for work but You keep showing me that You can use me. I just need to show up.
What other little things do I have? Show me and give me the grace to use it.
